How to Know the Difference Between Love, Infatuation and Lust

 

While there's no clear, fool-proof way to decipher your feelings for someone, there are certain ways to make the distinction between love, lust and infatuation clearer for yourself.

STEPS:

1 Could it be love?

Write down everything that you associate with the person you're feeling strongly about. Example words on your brainstorm list could include love, butterflies, holding hands, annoying, snoring, gorgeous, etc.




2. Circle each attribute with a different color such as red for lust, yellow for infatuation, and green for love.

3. See which of the three feelings dominates the page. If one doesn't stand out (as if the distribution seems pretty equal), move on to the following steps for more insight.

04. Read literature on the topic. Questions about love are timeless questions that have consumed mankind throughout the ages and are a major theme in many scriptures, tales from mythology, and literature. Read the story of David and Bathsheba from the Old Testament, 1st Corinthians from the New Testament, the story of Ali and Fatima, Echo and Narcissus, or Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.

05. Ask your friends or, if you find it easier, ask a complete and utter stranger, so that you get an honest opinion and an outsider's point of view. Tell that person how you feel, and ask them if it sounds primarily like love, infatuation, or lust.

06. Watch a movie that relates to your situation like "Cruel Intentions" (which is about lust, and wanting what you can't have), "Down to You" (which is about love and leaving it all down to the other person), "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" (which is about none of them really but it's about making a mistake and putting it right), "The Notebook," which tells a tale of life-long love and commitment, "The Phantom of the Opera" (which is about both lust, infatuation and, eventually, pure, true, self-sacrificing love) and definitely, "Titanic" (which is about holding on to someone forever until you die - that is love - bittersweet love), also, perhaps, "The Fly" (which is about a woman who falls in love with a man who turns into a fly and then goes insane, and yet remains deeply emotionally attached through this agonizing life change - which is love) or High Fidelity (which is about learning what love really is). Yet, understand that movies are fictions that depict idealized rather than realistic love.

07. Love is all about the little things. When you are really, truly, in love, you don't feel the need to dress up for them. The most important thing is being with them. Butterflies are not usually present in love. You should not feel nervous when you really love someone. Love means you connect with them spiritually, intellectually, and emotionally. And love means differences, disagreements, and arguing (but not fighting) because who wants to be with someone who is the same as they are? You feel refreshed when you are with them, but not necessarily weak when you are away from them. If you think about them all the time, always, it is probably lust or infatuation, not love. The most important thing you should consider is, can I say 'I love you' and truly mean it